Photo by Matias North on Unsplash


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I married Rod because I believed God chose him to be my husband. I liked him, but cannot honestly say I loved him when I said, “I do.” All the men before him were abusive short-term relationships. He won my love with his patience, kindness, devotion, and willingness to sacrifice that he might do what is best for me. He is my obedient Samuel that God used to break my Saul character traits.

Rod worked for a college and ministered to children in his free time. I did not share his passion for ministry, but contributed wherever I could. The church owned a 24-hour cable station that produced a 30-minute program for children. He had developed a character called Mr. Blue Jeans who made appearances, wearing bib overalls, on the children’s show. I stopped teaching Sunday school after I married to assist him in the church’s ministries designed for children.

I was pregnant with our first child when a scandal split the congregation into several independent churches. The children’s pastors bought an RV and switched their focus to evangelism. Before they left, they gave Rod’s name to a church in need of a children’s minister.

In my experience, churches are not stable places of employment unless you are the senior pastor. With a child on the way, I was against Rod accepting full-time employment at a church, especially one in looking for a new pastor. I suggested he offer to help as a volunteer until they elected a new pastor. The pastor could decide if he wanted Rod on his ministerial team. The board agreed but insisted on giving him $25 a week for gas.

Much to my dismay, the new pastor wanted him to stay. The church offered him $100 a week to remain in a part-time position that enable him to keep his full-time job. All he had to do was conduct two children’s services a week. I did not want him to be on staff, but he did not have to keep office hours, and we needed the money for diapers and formula. I agreed to the arrangement but made it clear he was in ministry, not me.

Before I met Rod, I made a mess of my life. But I truly believed God could fix anything, and he would come like a knight in shining armor to rescue me from myself. I thought it would happen quickly. From my point of view, it didn’t, and I felt abandoned by God. Looking back, I understand why. Healing emotional damage is a long, delicate process. I had experienced much healing before I married, but I needed much more. I received “much more” over the next thirteen-years Rod worked for the church.

The first hint that God wanted me to write flickered as I strived to be a “suitable helper” for my husband. The poorly written and difficult to implement curriculum used by the church frustrated Rod. I wrote two teaching series for him to use in Children’s Church—The Ten Commandments and The Fruit of the Spirit. When he failed to teach the series as I had written them, the prima donna in me refused to write another series.

The gifts and callings of God are without repentance. He chooses people for ministry before they are born, and he does not change his mind. I could not escape the tug at my heart and the things God revealed to me when I was a teenager, but my failures and God’s slow response created doubt about his ability to help us. There were times I walked a fine line between sanity and insanity.

One Sunday, we were visiting another church. The guest speaker had the gift of prophecy. At the conclusion of her message, she asked us to come to the altar and said, “God wants you to know that changes are coming, and the changes are from him.”



  1. I enjoy reading your MAKING OF A BOOK posts, especially this one. This point is new for me:

    “The gifts and callings of God are without repentance. He chooses people for ministry before they are born, and he does not change his mind.”

    I will think and pray on that one.


    • While you pray and ponder consider these scriptures:
      Romans 9:11-13 NAS95 for though the twins were not yet born and had not done anything good or bad, so that God’s purpose according to His choice would stand, not because of works but because of Him who calls, (12) it was said to her, “THE OLDER WILL SERVE THE YOUNGER.” (13) Just as it is written, “JACOB I LOVED, BUT ESAU I HATED.”

      To understand this scripture, you must keep in mind what God saw when he looked in Rebecca’s womb and said the older will serve the younger.
      Genesis 25:22-23 NAS95 But the children struggled together within her; and she said, “If it is so, why then am I this way?” So she went to inquire of the LORD. (23) The LORD said to her, “Two nations are in your womb; And two peoples will be separated from your body; And one people shall be stronger than the other; And the older shall serve the younger.”

      God saw two nations and chose Jesus would come through the lineage of Jacob, not Esau. Jacob did nothing good to earn that privilege. The bad things he did could not cancel that privilege. God loved the nation Jacob became because that nation would produce Jesus.

      He hated the nation Esau became because they never forgave Jacob for his deceit and betrayal and did violence against the nation Jacob became when God disciplined them for breaking his covenant with them. Oba 1:10-14

      Romans 11:29 NAS95 for the gifts and the calling of God are irrevocable.
      KJV says “without repentance.”

      God does not decide what our gifts and callings are after we are born, lest someone say God has been partial or think we can earn something from God. We are born with a destiny to fulfill. Our sins and moral failings tarnish the good we do in this life. For example, King David and Samson. Both men suffered for the bad they did. David remained king . Samson fulfilled God’s purpose in his death as a blind man . Samson could have fulfilled his purpose as a respected judge of his nation, but he never learned to control his lust. God never revoked their gifts and calling.

      Liked by 1 person

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